A New Year, A New Song

Our wee one, Little Bit, has a hard time taking a nap at any place other than home. And, we were visiting family for Christmas. By the time naptime rolled around, she was not happy, to say the least.

A walk in the stroller out-of-doors was in due order and pronto!

Sunshine Girl followed along, and as I pushed the stroller, we took turns searching for dandelions to blow.

It wasn't long before Little Bit was a happy camper.

But then, Sunshine Girl had a sorrowful look on her face.  And, then I saw why. 

A little bird lie still and lifeless on the side of the road. Sunshine Girl bent down low to get a good look at it.

"Can I touch it, Mommy?"

"Better not, honey, it's dead; it's little heart isn't beating anymore.  Best leave the little bird alone."

Someone had cared enough to leave some flowers on the road right next to it.

"Poor little thing," I mused.

Being the lover of nature that I am, I think my children have followed suit. I found out later, that Bright Girl had left the flowers.

Finding the fallen bird left a little ache in my heart, reminding me of many little aches I have felt this year.

Like Billy still being jobless (it's almost been a year now),

and my side of the family are all sick (I couldn't see them for Christmas).

What do I do with all these little aches and pains of life in this broken world?

What will 2013 have in store for me?

{{Is anybody out there?}} 

{{Does anybody care?}}

Well, yes.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

He is there. He does care. Even for the little fallen birds.

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29-31, NASB)

{{Hallelujah!  What a Savior!}}

Just knowing that Christ cares has really lifted me up and given me peace in my heart and hope for the future.

Thankfully, I don't have to sit around worrying about what 2013 will be like or what little ache will come next. I know my Savior will take care of me.

"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the LORD" (Psalm 40:3)

A Christmas Tree Story

Our family has quite a story about our first pre-lit artificial Christmas tree, involving a mangy kitty, a can of Lysol, and lots of forgiveness.  

Several years ago, we took in a cat from a relative, and he was quite a mess.  

His hair had been shaved, his bottom burned because he sat on a hot stove, and he was full of fleas. I made an appointment to get all his shots and to have him neutered. But, the vet couldn't see him for a week.

Knowing that cats mark their territory if they aren't fixed, I made him a nice cozy spot in our garage, until his appointment.

After he went to the vet, we started him on flea treatment, he grew out a beautiful, healthy fur coat.

It was after Thanksgiving that we decided to put up the Christmas tree—the Christmas tree, only a year ago, my husband had braved the mad dash to get the rock bottom Black Friday price at Macy's.  

Right away, we noticed the bag that held the tree had something brownish and sticky on it. One good whiff and we knew that our kitty had done a little territorial "marking" on the bag, before we had him fixed—and, it must have happened months ago.

The puddle had been sitting on the bag all that time. I hoped that the bag kept the tree from olfactory ruin, but upon opening it and getting an eye watering sniff, we both knew the stench had definitely gotten through.

My husband rushed to the store and purchased a few cans of air freshener. Spraying it with all his might, he desperately tried to de-stink the tree, but to no avail.

The garbage truck came the next day and took away our beautiful, musty pre-lit Christmas tree.

We were disappointed to be sure but, we forgave our kitty. He couldn't help marking our Christmas tree. It was in his nature. He had to be changed before he could do any differently.

We humans are the same.

We want to be humane, caring, giving, and loving, but can't seem to pull it off. Instead, we are angry brutes and deal with people's hearts like a bull in a china shop, piercing through and wounding all in our wake.

It really stinks.

Sin that is.

There is an internal change that we must all undergo to be saved from our sins.

Unlike Lysol (which didn't work), the taint and effects of sin, by the power of the Holy Spirit, as we walk in humble obedience, is truly lifted from our hearts and our nature is changed for the better.

Our sins are such an awful stench to God that Jesus Christ received the full due punishment for them all on the cross. By His grace we are saved, by His stripes we are healed. If we hold onto the truth in obedience without wavering, our lives will be transformed.

It is my hope that by the grace of God, the people of God, one person at a time, will reflect the beauty of the Lord and the curse and stink of sin will be done away with.  

Then we will be able to breathe deeply the sweet fragrance of the love of Christ and truly embody His love to one another.

“…looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. (Titus 2:14, NASB

If I Should Die...

We're moving, and, oh what a chore packing is...

In all the hustle and bustle, I came across a note at the bottom of our file cabinet and was caught off guard. 

It was titled, "Things to do if I Die or Become Incapacitated," written in the Billy's handwriting. He had written it long ago and placed it there for me to find. Sharing my discovery with him, we opened it together. 

The note was written years ago, listing all our life insurance policies and who to call to get social security benefits. Then, at the bottom, was a letter written to me:

Chanda,

I love you so much and hope that you never need to use this. I wish you the best life imaginable and I encourage you to love again, but be picky!

Take care of the kids—that is your priority! With God's help you can do this.

Don't lose heart and don't give up.

You're so beautiful and special. I love you so dearly. Words can't really do justice to how I feel about you or how deep and close our relationship has become. 

You know I love you and you know that we have something so very beautiful and wonderful. 

I cringe when I think of the ways that I've hurt you and failed you. But God has made me a new man and he has saved our relationship—and our very selves. He has brought us together and he (if you are reading this) has now torn us apart. 

Our love has been a gift for eternity, but our husband/wife relationship is only for a time. 

Be strong, my love—for you will need to be. 

Be patient, for God will come through. 

Be hopeful, for we will see each other again someday. 

Take care of our kids—please don't let them forget me—or our Savior. 

Watch out, especially for Little Man—I worry about how he'll do without a Dad. Tell him how I love him and how he is the son I always dreamed of having. 

Be a strong example to my girls, they'll need your example even more. Don't let them forget how beautiful and special they are to me. 

You will have to console them while nursing your own wounds. It will be a difficult road ahead, but don't give up and don't lose heart. Jesus has overcome the world and He will see you through this. 

I love you so much! You are the girl of my dreams--I never even dreamed I would love someone so much! Goodbye my sweet darling. I will see you in heaven.

Love,

Billy

P.S. Sorry for the messy writing.

I wiped away tears and wrapped my arms around the love of my life, holding him tight. Thankfully, I got to read the letter as a love note, not a final farewell.

It made me think about how the Word of God is like the last love note of our Lord, Jesus, written to show us that the way of salvation is in Him alone. 

In it, He encourages us, helps us, and reminds us of His unfailing, undying love, a love that sent Him to die on a cross, but because He was God's own Son, He was raised back to life.

What He left for us is better than any life insurance policy.  To have our sins paid for and to be given eternal life, life without end--now that is better by far. Then, every Word in the love note will be fullfilled, the Word Himself will stand before us and live with us forever.  

"Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:1,2).   

The Harvest

We get a little bit of autumn here in Florida.

Mostly it's a state of mind.

Pumpkin candles lit, fall decor, and a little more of a breeze.

 

Still, it sets my heart in tune with the reality of harvest time. 

Soon, there will be a harvest moon casting its amber glow upon the mossy oaks that hang low and a solitary hoot owl that makes nighttime that much more enchanting.

And then, there's the food.  The glorious, turkey-ous gravy-ous, pie-ous food!

And, the soporific affects afterward that send us into a loungy, hands on the tum sleepy bliss, like Pooh Bear after a lip smacking indulgence of honey pot sweetness; we are happy and full without a care in the world.

There's something expectant about autumn.

 

Maybe because it's a time of harvest,

a time to reflect on all we have to thank the Lord for,

and a time for hope that fills us and creates a longing for the One who is, who was, and who is to come.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." (Revelation 1:8, ESV)

Tear Tea

Have a seat and relax.  I'd like to have a cup of tear tea with you. 

It's ingredients are simple, but can only be made from a heart that's been broken. 

It tastes bitter at first, but you'll find that it can be soothing and sweet if it has a little bit of the honey of fellowship.

Have you ever cried in exasperation for a child who has meltdown after meltdown? 

How about for the loneliness and isolation of the days when your husband has to work late and all your children are sick? 

What about tears of grief? There are some women (and I am one of them) who have cried buckets of tears for the loss of an infant child, either before or after birth. 

This is a reality that happens more than we are willing to admit. The admittance only brings on more tears, more pain. 

It is no longer for my own grief that the tears come fierce.  The tears come now for other moms, who are on that same path of sorrow that I was destined to take some nine years ago. 

And, so

here I am,

admitting. 

It is healing to admit, for with admittance is an invitation for consolation and for others to hope. 

There is a Light at the end of the tunnel.
 
There is Deliverance from this valley of the shadow of death.
 
Only the Light and the Deliverance don't necessarily mean the pain will end overnight.
 
Sometimes it hurts for a long, long time. 

But, hope means there is a Light shining in the darkness.  There is a Deliverer, and He is Christ.

When I had an early miscarriage, I cried out to the Lord in my pain. And, He showed up, with His perfect peace that "transcends all understanding." 

That same year I became pregnant again and was given the devastating news that the child growing inside my womb had Potter's Syndrome, a condition "incapable with life." That meant, when he was born, unless God decided to intervene, the baby would most certainly die.

Having an early miscarriage was hard, but this seemed unbearably harder.
 
Maybe because I had bonded with my baby. 

I felt his hiccups, his nudges, his wiggles. I had pressed my hand against my protruding belly as he pushed back with ten little toes. I saw the outline of his forehead, nose, and mouth in black and white on the ultrasound screen.
 
And, when he was born, he would die.

It was too much for me to bear. How could I endure it? I did not have the strength to do such a thing.
 
I was at my wit's end, crumpled and broken at the merciful feet of Almighty God.
 
And, my tears were at times, my only relief from the pain. 

My grief was so burdensome, so weighty, that there were few people who could have helped me carry it.

Thankfully, the Lord is good. He gave me wonderful friends, who lifted me up in prayer and met my need for a listening ear and a piping hot dinner when I could barely get out of bed.

He knew my sorrow and provided for me.

Looking back, I couldn't have done it without Him and all the people He sent to help me.

I don't know how anyone could. 

On December 5, 2003, Luke, my fragile, but beautiful baby boy, was born and eight hours later passed on into the hands of God. 

The tears came swift and fierce for many days and then in waves, but with time, their ebb and flow became as gentle and  peaceful as the waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

And, all those tears meant something, they mattered.  Because they all matter to Him, to the One who holds a well of our tears in the palm of His nail marked hand.

"You have kept count of my tossings,
put my tears in your bottle . Are they not written in your book? (Psalm 56: 8, ESV)"

Sweeter Than Honey

Little Bit has not been sleeping well. Yesterday, I found out the reason why. Two pearly white teeth had busted through her swollen gums.

Lately, her fingers have been the teether of choice. One of them suffered a puncture wound, and it didn't take long for her to use the other fingers with less gusto.

Now, a pacified baby is one of the joys at our house. The children love to make her giggle--my Sunshine Girl most of all. The only problem is that they keep bonking heads with one another.

Sunshine Girl plays a game where she gets real close to Little Bit and pulls back quick and somehow that sends them both into boisterous belly laughs.

It never fails that after about the third try, Sunshine bonks heads with Little Bit. Laughs transform into cries, and I come in for the comfort of a mother's hug.
  
Discipline is not my favorite part of parenting, but the occasion arises more than occassionally. It was time that my cuddly, loveable Sunshine learn a little something about personal space. I had been learning some tactics from a book called Raising a Sensory Smart Child. Now, here was the perfect time to try it out.
 
"Imagine everybody has a bubble around them," I explained, "If you get too close to another person you could pop their bubble and sometimes that can hurt, like when you bop heads with your sister."

Holding my arms out straight, I showed her how big my bubble was, then I asked her how big hers was.
 
"Let's try to stay in our bubbles, okay?"

A nod of the head and a rush off to find more fun, indicated the attention span was spent. I hoped she got it.

Everytime since then, when I've seen her head get too close, I say, "bubble," and she pulls back a little. I think she's getting it.

We all need our own personal space, or boundaries, if you will. Especially moms. We need time to chill, to pray, to think about the important things, the beautiful things, the things that bring us joy. 

It's good to take a time-out in our busy lives to retreat to our own bubbles. But, let's not forget to let in the One who gives us everything we need and more.  We don't need a bubble with Him.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me (Revelation 3:20)."

In fact, many times, Christ is the One who gives us a bubble, or shield, especially in those times when we feel most powerless. He shields us from a mother's worst enemies--fear, depression, and shame.

"Do not be afraid Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward (Genesis 15:1)."

Like Abraham, following the Lord's leading into unknown territory, we can trust in Him when we come to the new places in our lives where we feel lost, alone, and totally out of control. Christ knows exactly where we're at, and He is the One who can calm our anxious hearts. 

It is in these places that the enemy of our soul is the most crafty at trying to impress on us that God is not trustworthy. It takes an extra measure of faith to still cling to the promises of God in His Word.

It helps to know His promises in the first place. That's where Bible study and memorizing key verses and passages becomes crucial, even life saving. Believe me, it is worth the effort.

Depression comes on swift and merciless. It casts its dark shadow over us and threatens to keep us there until we lose all hope that we'll ever see the light of day. I know this because I have been there. But, there is hope, and when we lose sight of it, we need someone to rescue us.

We need Jesus.  

When we look to Jesus, the Word who took on flesh and blood, He offers us His protection, His shield to quench all those fiery darts of falsehood that we are somehow abandoned by God, worthless, or a disappointment.

"As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is proven, He is a shield to all who trust in Him (Psalm 18:30)."

True, life is full of disappoinments, but there are days when we feel like we are the biggest disappointment of all. I don't know if you've been there, but sometimes I feel like I want to just crawl under a rock and stay there.

And, that's okay.

God is that Rock. He is our shield. He sings over us, and reminds us that His love is not based on our performance, but on His great, unfailing, love displayed by Christ's sacrifice for our sins on the cross. He will never leave us, never. He will never reject us, not ever. We can trust in Him always.

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance (Psalm 32:7)."    

The Rise and Fall of The Senator

Our sprawling family of six trampled onto the boardwalk that morning into the thick of the humid Florida woods. At the very end of the trail, towered The Senator, one of the oldest Bald Cypress trees in the world.

  

And, by old I mean B.C. (before the birth of Christ) on a historical timeline . Through the process of coring, a sample of the tree's rings was taken, dating The Senator to be about 3500 years old.

  

When the  Egyptians were building their pyramids, this tree was just a sapling. 

From the time of Moses on, this tree had been growing and adding new rings to its trunk.  Each ring, representative of major historical events in the world over millenia. 

     

Before Florida became a tourist's paradise, the Seminole Indians used this tree as a landmark to find their way through swamps and endless palmettos and pine trees.  In the nineteenth century it became the beloved Senator of Big Tree Park. 

Tragically, on January 16, 2012, the Senator's life was cut short by the careless actions of a young woman who that evening, set it ablaze.  The tree burned from the outside-in, billowing smoke like a chimney.

When I heard the news, my heart sank. A tree of that size and age is not something that can just be replanted. It's gone, along with all it's rings of ancient history. Vanished in a puff of smoke.

Life can be so short. Especially in light of eternity. Will we live by faith or by sight, in our few tree rings of the here and now?

May the short span of our lives be lived in a way pleasing to God, in light of His glory and grace, for eternity is in His hands. He makes the smallest grain of faith grow into a mighty tree, displaying His faithfulness for all to see (Isaiah 61:1-4).

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12, a prayer of Moses)."