Whenever I feel Afraid: 5 Ways to Deal With Anxiety

The bathroom is one of the scariest places for my five-year-old. I'm not sure if it is the enclosed space, the sounds that echo off the walls, or the loud flush, but she hates to go alone.

I'd love for her to get over her fears. But, I'm still learning to overcome mine.

In the middle of the night I'm awakened by what sounds like an explosion outside. My heart races. I breathe and pray. My anxiety soon lessens.

Rain patters on the window. The "explosion" was only thunder.

Underneath the bedroom door, a light shines. Someone is up.

When I open the door, my fifteen-year-old is pacing the living room.

"Are you okay?"

She stops pacing. "I can't sleep. My heart is beating so hard."

"Mine is, too."

After more prayers with my teenager, I switch off the light to her room and head to my own bedroom.

Although I'm pushing forty, fear seizes me the same way it hits my children.

It's cute when my five-year-old dances around the house singing, "Whenever I Feel Afraid" from the classic musical, The King and I. 

The words say,

While shivering in my shoes, I strike a careless pose, and whistle a happy tune, so no one ever knows I'm afraid. The result of this deception is very strange to tell, for when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well.

It's cute, but it's not true.

We can't just whistle our fears away or pretend they don't exist.

The problem with the mentality of convincing ourselves, even deceiving ourselves that there is nothing to fear, is not living in the reality of a fallen world.

Fear is normal.  It is a part of our varied collection of emotions. It's there to alert us that something is dangerous, so that we can be wise and be safe.

All I have to do is turn on the news or scroll down the latest tweets and it's easy to see that there are real dangers out there.

Okay, so don't watch the news and stay off twitter.

Yesterday, my children witnessed a car accident outside the window of our church.

Okay, so don't leave the house.

Boxing ourselves in and trying to avoid our fears only serves to amplify them.

We would only make ourselves even less equipped to deal with the day-to-day stressors.

I've found being prepared to face my fears is a game changer.

An on-going battle plan to cope with life's hardships makes them less overwhelming.

Jesus said,

"The truth will set you free (John 8:32)."

He also said,

"I am the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6)." 

He wasn't merely talking about facing your fears, He was talking about knowing The Truth, who will set you free.

Knowing Him.

When we know him, all our fears are stripped away because we know Immanuel, The-God-Who-Is-With-Us and never lets us go. He's right beside us. Closer than the cold sweat on our brow. Closer than the tightening of our gut. Closer than the heart pounding in our chest.

He is there.

When we know Him, we can know He hears us. We can talk our fears out and ask for courage to face them. This brings me to the five ways I've discovered to deal with overwhelming fear.

1. Pray.

This is our first line of defense when facing our fears. We can't deal with them alone, and we don't have to. We have our Father in heaven, the Son who saved us, and the Holy Spirit who empowers us. Our Triune God longs to hear our prayers. He wants to help us, if we would only realize our need and ask.

2. Read God's Holy Inspired Word.

There is no other book like the Bible. It is living, active and speaks to our very soul. Giving us courage. Helping us to know what to do and when to do it. The Psalms help give voice to my fears. How many Psalms are there about deliverance? I've lost count. Proverbs helps me to know what to do. And, the rest of the books of the Bible are there to teach, exhort, and encourage me. Daily Bible reading is crucial to overcoming fear.

3. Memorize Key Verses.

Hiding God's Word in our heart, gives us the scaffolding we need to go higher than our fears. When we have the truth within, then the fears without can't crush us. The truth is stronger than our fears. When we turn to Jesus and trust in His truth, the battle is already won.

4. Journal.

Anxiety sometimes stems from being overwhelmed with too much information. Jotting down the swirling thoughts helps to organize, rationalize and prioritize the things we need to deal with. Along with journaling, listing can be helpful. After our To Do Lists, we can chart Thankfulness Lists, and Blessings Lists. These can remind us that there's more to life than the hard stuff.

5. Share.

Be with others who know Jesus. Share your fears and ask them to pray for your needs. Rely on others who have shared their stories. Read books and blogs by those who have learned how to face their fears in faith.

Fears don't have to overwhelm us because we belong to the One who faced the fear of execution on the cross. He took our shame, carried our sins upon His shoulders, and suffered the wrath of God on our behalf, all to save us. His name is Jesus and He wants to calm the storm of our fears. When we focus on Him, our hearts can finally rest.

The Trouble at Wal-Mart

Broken.  That's how my heart felt, sitting in the urgent care clinic with my baby girl with a swollen finger, possibly broken.

"What's wrong with your little one?" asked the receptionist.

"Minivan door.  It shut on her finger." Feeling dejected, I looked down at the clipboard and finished filling it out. Picking up my toddler, I returned the clipboard to the receptionist and sat to wait until our name was called. She sat on my lap and held her hand up with fingers extended. Her index finger on her right hand was twice as large as the one on the left.

It all had happened so fast. We were at Wal-Mart, just baby and me. I grabbed my purse and went to the other side of the van to get her out of her car seat. Sliding the the door open, I reached over to hit the automatic lock button, so it would lock up when I shut it.

After taking the baby out of her seat, I yanked on the door to slide it shut. As I turned to go, my daughter reached out her hand. Before I could stop it or pull her away, the door shut on her finger.

I was ready for an avalanche of tears, but she didn't cry at all.

Maybe the finger wasn't stuck in the door. A little tug. Oh, yes it was. My daughter began to cry. All the doors were locked. The baby's finger was stuck, and so was I. My key-less entry button on my keys didn't work, and there was only one way to open the doors once locked—the driver's side door—on the other side of the minivan.

My heart was racing. I couldn't calm down. I couldn’t think. I breathed in through my nose for a count of seven and slowly exhaled out of my mouth. I needed to be calm, to stay in control. I had to think. But, what could I do? She was stuck. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t put her down. Where her finger was pinned in the door, she couldn’t reach the ground.

Deep within me, came a cry, louder than I thought I possible. "Help, help!  My baby!  Please, somebody, help me!"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man running toward me.  He was a young man with skin the color of brown sugar. I handed him my keys. "Please. My baby's finger is stuck ... I can't unlock the door on this side."

The man sped to the other side of the van and shuffled with the keys until he found the right one and tried it. I shook my head no. The door was still locked. He went into the van and manually unlocked it.

The door came free. I held my baby close. The young man handed me the keys as I was breathing a prayer of thanks. He smiled at me, then he ran off. I didn't even get his name or get to thank him. The way he sped to my rescue and then raced away, I wondered if he was an angel.

By now, my daughter's finger was swelling and so was her crying. Back into the van.  Forget Wal-Mart, we needed to go to the urgent care clinic. On the way there, my adrenaline level was at an all-time high. Little condemning thoughts kept on antagonizing me. 

It's all your fault...you're a terrible mother...she'll be scarred for life...

Then I remembered who I am. As a go to for when I’m struggling, I had been compiling all the new names that God gives us when we trust in Christ. Those names returned to me now:

You are Chosen, Accepted, Daughter of the King…

Breathing a sigh of relief, I parked the car at the clinic. Self-contempt doesn't have a chance with a heart resting in God's grace.

At the clinic, the doctor asked if our car had a door sensor that stopped it when it detected something in the way.

"No. No sensor." 

More condemning thoughts trickled in, but this time about others. Car companies care more about money than people's safety...big business is just corrupt like that...Aw, I shouldn't go there either. It would only steal my peace. Anyway, not all minivans had that sensor and ours was an older model. 

And, what about the guy who helped me unlock the door?  He probably wouldn't have been the first person I would have asked for help. I prefer asking a person who is in uniform. It feels safer. But, the person I least expected was my hero. And it turned out that my daughter’s finger wasn’t broken, and as she rested against my chest, she seemed to have recovered better than me. I was still panicky and unable to settle completely for some time.

The thing is, we're all broken people, living in a broken world. We'll never be in a place where something in our lives doesn't need fixing. And, though it seems like we're in control sometimes, we're really not.

If we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), knowing that the Lord is with us and there to help us, then eventually we will have peace. Sometimes right away, and other times, we have to wait for it.

One day Christ will return, and He will make all things new (Revelation 21). He will restore everything that has been broken in this world.

Until then, we can wait and rest in His grace, releasing control to His holy Sovereign will and thanking Him for the little things like an unsung hero at Wal-Mart and soft bones that didn't break.