Uncharted Waters Part 14: Tree of Life|A Mother’s Journey from Death to Life #PregnancyandInfantLossAwareness

TREE OF LIFE

The dam burst, and I was broken.

When Luke died, I couldn’t hold my grief inside, even if I wanted to.

Somehow, Billy was able to avoid fully grieving. He became easily agitated. Hard to be around. We argued about anything and everything.

Thankfully, he was the one brave enough to call a counselor. We needed help.

It was a long road of digging deep and excavating the cavernous regions of our hearts we had both hidden away.

I had to face memories I would have rather forgotten. Long ago, I had been the victim of child sexual abuse.

The hurt, shame, and fear only kept me shackled to the past.

Grace and truth were the unlikely keys that set me free.

Billy had his own fears to face. Somehow he thought Luke’s death was his own fault.

Our counselor led him to a place where he could weep over the loss of our son.

In time, by the grace of God, our love bloomed again.

We had another son, our rainbow baby that we could take home. Later, two more daughters were added to our family.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

"I want that." My youngest girl pointed at another stuffed animal in the toy aisle at Wal-mart that she wished to add to her collection.

"We'll see. Wait until Christmas." I responded, taking her hand.

All year long, I refer to Christmas as the time when my children will get their heart's desire.

They eagerly await their most favorite time of year.

Yet, Christmas is more than presents under the tree. It's a promise kept by the One who loves us eternally.

"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel" (Isaiah 7:14)

Going through grief and making it to the other side, I’ve learned that life is short and love is supreme.

Billy and I are able to experience joy again. That’s how I know we’ve healed in our grief.

Still, I don’t think we can ever totally get used to “the new normal.”

Maybe because we weren’t meant to.

When I gather my children to go somewhere, I sense someone is missing. I'm reminded that Luke is not with us and it still hurts.

Our hearts don’t get death. We were made for eternity (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We cry out in anguish as we still feel the sting of death, the consequence of Adam and Eve’s first sin. That is where the tears, the crying, the wailing comes from.

Seeing Luke again is one of my greatest desires, but this longing is overtaken by the glory that sets me face down in worship of my Lord and King, who does all things well. He is the One who made it possible for eternal life.

Christ Jesus, the holy and perfect Son of God, gave of Himself to the utmost, coming down out of heaven and sacrificing Himself for us on the cross. When He said, “It is finished,” he breathed his final breath, and my sin debt was paid in full.

But, the glory of this true and eternal story doesn’t end there.

Three days later, Jesus rose again, proving He is the Resurrection and the Life. In Him, death has lost its sting and is swallowed up in victory. In this world, all will die, but, one day, Jesus will call those who belong to Him and they will awaken to new life eternal (John 5:24-30). 

Jesus is our hope.

He is the tree of life;

The true vine

From which love flows.

And, looking upon the tree

Where He died for you and me,

We are given eternity. 

To live in hope, 

We must live in Him.

~C.M.G.

ALL THINGS NEW

When I see a perfect Florida sunrise, I stand in awe, and my thoughts turn toward heaven.  Heaven is so mysterious, so other-worldly. I can hardly fathom what it will be like. More than that, when I think about Jesus coming back out of heaven and setting His feet upon the new earth, what joy floods my soul. All things will be restored—the dead will be raised back to life, and all things will be made new.

The present sufferings of this world will pale in comparison to the eternal life awaiting us.

World without end.

I can only imagine how amazing it will be. To be embraced by my loved ones who have gone before me. And, best of all, meeting Jesus, who carried me through my darkest hour into the light of day. 

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;

there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.

There shall be no more pain,

for the former things have passed away.

Then he who sat on the throne said,

“Behold, I make all things new.”

(Revelation 21:4,5, NKJV)

For Part 1, click here.