Sunday, October 13, 2013

Holding onto God's Faithfulness: Surviving Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Fall 2003 and me pregnant with Luke

I've been thinking back in time for the #october2013blogchallenge to when I have been aware of the Lord's faithfulness to me.
October in Florida is when the chill autumn air carries with it the the sense of expectancy before the rush of the holidays.  And, when the wind picks up and the leaves fall down, I start to remember.  It's the same thing I think about every year and always in October. 

It is fitting that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (PILAM).

That's when the crushing news came for me. 

In October of 2003, I was 27 weeks pregnant, and I went to get an ultrasound to determine if my little one was a boy or a girl. What I wasn't expecting was to find was that something was terribly wrong with my child.


The doctor said that he had no kidneys. That he had something called Potter's Syndrome, which at that time, there was no treatment. No cure.
After going to more doctors and doing more tests, it was confirmed.  My baby, when he was born, would die.
I realized at that moment that this was all the time I had with him.

I learned to cherish every little movement, hiccup, stretch. I learned who he was by how he felt in my womb. He lived. He mattered.

Luke Joseph Griese was born on December 5, 2003, and he was so light, only 3 lbs. 12 oz., yet my love for him was beyond measure.

He went to be with Jesus eight hours later.

The biggest thing that little Luke taught me was that every life matters because we are all here for a reason. Some of us are here to love and some of us are here to be the recipients of love.
Then there is the love that God has for us. He sent His Son to die for us so that we could live forever with Him. There is no greater love than that.
And now, Luke lives and basks in the eternal love of God in heaven, and I await the day we will be reunited and can share that love again.

Because God is faithful to His promises, He will make all things new, make all the sad things come untrue (Revelation 21). 

So, I will hold onto that truth and look forward to that Day.  Not only to see my son again, but to see the Son, Christ, the Risen One, who carried me in my darkest hours and brought me to the light of day.

If you have lost a child in pregnancy or shortly after birth, my heart aches for you. 
I pray that you will know the faithfulness of God in Christ on your grief journey. 
Never will He leave you, never will He forsake you (Hebrew 13:5). 

For His Word says:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
 I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

Holding onto Hope,