True Calling

When I turned thirty, I remember thinking, this is the age of Christ, when he began His ministry. But, I didn't feel like I was doing anything special for the Kingdom of God.
Only cooking, cleaning, changing stinky diapers, wiping runny noses, getting little sleep, barely getting out of the house. You know, nothing special.

Life went on. Birthdays 31, 32, and 33. I was the age of Christ when He gave His life as a payment for our sins, was resurrected and left this earth. Still, I was nothing special. Still...me. Still, a nobody.

Time to throw a pity party, right? Unless...

Maybe I got it all wrong.

Nothing special. Useless. A nobody. Doesn't sound like my Father's voice.

The flesh, the world, the devil himself, all send messages about who we are, why we're here, and what makes us valued. 

The flesh, that old sinful selfish part of me says in order to be something special, I need to do something great and have lots and lots of friends to be loved or valued.

The world chimes in that I need to achieve a certain status, to attain a certain unattainable lifestyle, to be known on a broad range to be loved or valued.

The devil will do anything to keep me from knowing my true identity. He will try to get me down by convincing me that I'm a useless nobody or puff me up with vanity that I might be consumed with my own perceived greatness. Whatever works.

Whatever keeps me from realizing my true identity and true calling.

Because if I knew, if all of us knew and woke up from our complacency, like Christ, we would flip over the tables of those who profit by our drowsy coasting through life. Our world would be turned upside down.

We must wake up from our slumber. From the false lullaby of the flesh, the world, and the devil, lulling us to sleep, making us miss opportunities to love a broken world.

Cause that's why we're here. To love. Christ commands it. Love God first and our neighbor next. In small ways, ways that nobody else will even notice. But, that doesn't make us nobodies.

The truth is,

We are loved and valued by God because through Christ, our whole life, has been, is being, and will be redeemed.

Apart from the truth, it doesn't matter what we have come to believe about ourselves, or what others have told us is important.

Nothing else matters but what Christ did on the cross and what that means for us and the world.

Christ is the center, the core, the missing page that has been torn out of our history books.

Everything hinges on Him, whether we acknowledge Him or not.

But, when we do, we change.

Our world changes. Turns upside down.

Or, maybe it was upside down to begin with.

In Christ, we are made right. Turned upright. Back to God. Back to the place and the Person where we are most valued and loved.

In light of His love and grace, we can reach out to our significant other, our children, our friends, acquaintances, even enemies. With love. Agape' love. The giving kind of love that pours itself out to the utmost. Because that is what Jesus did for us.

And that is what will change our world.

Peace in the Wait

In the fog of uncertainty, look for His light.

While you wait, seek His face.

Seeking Your face:

In the morning,

Pulling weeds,

Vacuuming,

Wiping counters clean.

Seeking Your face:

Teaching children,

Hugging a friend,

Holding hands

In the late evening.

Seeking Your face:

In Your Word

That sets me free,

In my poems

In my dreams

You are everything

to me.

"I will hear what God the Lord will speak,

For He will speak peace

To His people and to His saints;

But let them not turn back to folly.

Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him,

That glory may dwell in our land."

Psalm 85:8,9

Paradise Now

"Deer!" I craned my head to catch a glimpse, as we drove the minivan toward the park. The one with the playground near the city dump. You can't see the dump around the bend. But, the Captain has packed up hazardous wastes and left them there, hoping they'd know what to do with it.

But, before the dump. Before all that trash. 

Trees. 

Conservation area, as it's called here.

And, then deer.

Not just a doe.

A fawn.

With slender legs and spotted side.

I spotted them. Then the children were bouncing in their seats. All grins and giggles.

Our world, our crazy, messed up, beautifully broken world is like that. The stark contrast between the innocent eyes of a fawn and the garbage dump.

And as the deer pants...

So the Psalmist says.

The deer thirsts, it's tongue hung loose.

So thirsty.

Longing,

Like us.

We are thirstier than we know.

Thirsty for a world made new.

Yearning

For death to be gone.

And war a faded memory.

Needing 

To know God.

Pleading to be right with Him.

Without Him, we would wither and die.

I lay me down. Struggling with discontent. And a sadness I couldn't put my finger on. Then I remembered. The escape.

 I don't have to feel this way.

Turning my thoughts from the broken things that linger. I gave thanks. (Isaiah 30:15)

Light pierced through the fog.

Heaven came in.

A life of thankfulness brings heaven here right now, in our hearts. 

We notice the good. Shun the evil. We wait and pray. Our hearts are still. Residing in the green.

That God-shaped hole, giving us palpitations

 Is in the shape of a cross.

Letting go of our idols, we let God fill that empty space.

Only He will suffice.

Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like a green leaf.

Proverbs 11:28, NIV

Seeking the Lord in thankfulnesss

Letting Him fill us

Is a glimmer of grace

A taste

Of heaven on earth.

Paradise found.

Living in the now and the eternal.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 KJV

Baby Steps: Learning to Walk With Our Savior

A friend in her sixties revealed to me something profound. One time, she was about to go inside a store and caught a glimpse of an older woman in the glass door. Then she realized, "I'm that old woman!"

On the inside, in her inner person, she didn't feel old. She saw herself in her thirties.

Sometimes I wonder how old I am on the inside. In some ways, I feel much older than my years, with all the pain and suffering of life. 

But, there are times when I feel like a little child, not really knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. Coasting along life. Feeling a little lost. Letting others make decisions for me. Making the same mistakes over and over again. Feeling overwhelmed by the bigness of the world.

I don't want to feel old and exhausted by the blows of life nor stuck making the same foolish mistakes and never growing up.

How does a person grow up and be who they were meant to be?

Trying to do things in my own strength is bound to exhaust. Venturing beyond the boundaries of my present naivety is impossible when I'm overwhelmed. What I need is

{GRACE}

Grace. Grace. And more grace. All the time. In every circumstance. When my eyes are opened to my own unworthiness, my sinfulness, my trusting in anyone or anything other than Christ and His power to save. I am undone.

I have nothing to give to God. It's all Him. All is grace.

And He gives it over and over again.

Each and every time, I receive His grace, I am placing my hand in His and receiving His mercy, His strength. 

I am right where I need to be. Walking with Him. It doesn't matter how old or how young I am, He is with me. Leading me. Guiding me into all truth. Creating in me a pure heart. Making me like Himself.

Walking with God is not a moon walk with giant leaps. It's putting one foot in front of the other, leaning on His dependability. He is with us to the very end of the age, every step of the way. In thoughts, words, and deeds.

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but theLord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV