The One Place to Lay My Head

Throughout my life, I've felt this restlessness. Like there was nowhere for me to be still and lay the full weight of my being that I might experience full acceptance, comfort and relief.

Jesus felt the same way when He walked upon the earth. He was far from heaven where He dwelt in perfect unity with the Father. 

If you look at the four gospels (Matthew 26:36, Mark 1:35, Luke 9:18, and John 17:1), you'll see that Jesus spent a plenitude of time in prayer. Like He was getting some face-to-face time with His heavenly Father to remind Him who He was, why He was here and where He was going.

Who He Was:

Jesus knew He was the Son of God. As the Son, He has always existed in perfect unity with the Father and the Holy Spirit. 

He has no beginning and no end (Revelation 1:8). From the breath of His mouth the universe was made (Psalm 33:6). 
Even though He knew this about Himself, He didn't strut around demanding that all people bow at His feet and pay Him homage. No, He was completely humble. That is what makes Him so approachable. He fully accepts those who come to Him. 

He says to each one of us:

"Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden 

and I will give you rest..."

Matthew 11:28-30

Why He was here:

Jesus once commented to His disciples that He had "no place to lay His head (Luke 9:58)."

This of course was figurative. Meaning that He could never settle here. Not that He was restless, but He chose to come to this world for a reason. This crazy, messy, beautifully-broken place that was not His home. 

The King of the universe, who dwelt in inapproachable light in heaven came to this often dark world to complete a mission.

That mission was for us.

To save us.

It may not seem apparent at times, but we are drowning in sin. We only get to live one life and then the judgement (Hebrews 9:27). 

Do we really think we deserve to go to heaven, to be with God forever? To the place where His glory dwells? Where there is no sin?

Unless we are living in denial, none of us can claim to be without sin. And that means none of us deserves to be in the holy presence of God forever. Ultimately, that place will not be heaven. When Christ returns, He will renew the earth and make it His home. This is eternal life.

There is only one way for us to have eternal life.

And that is in the person of Jesus Christ (1 John 5:12).

He lived a perfect, sinless life, enduring poverty and suffering. Many became His followers, but by the ruling religious leaders, He was rejected and ultimately this lead to His death on the cross.

He died. God. Died. For us. Can you let that sink in. It is a profound life-changing truth.

But, death could not hold Him...

Where He was going:

Three days later, the stone was rolled away. And in the full glory of resurrection, He appeared to His disciples and to over 500 people (1 Cor. 15:6) before returning to heaven. His home. Where He is waiting for us.

For now, in prayer, He is the place where we can truly rest our head. 

He is for us and not against us (Rom. 8: 31-32) and accepts us with all our flaws. He comforts us in our afflictions and gives us relief from trying to live in this crazy world on our own. 

Because He lives, by faith, His Holy Spirit lives in us and gives us power, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead (Rom. 8:11) to overcome sin and become more and more like Him. 

And wherever He is, that is where I belong.

"But He was pierced for our sins, crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5

Bridge to Peace

A day at the beach before a thunderstorm rolled in, opened my eyes to how the church could be when we live in unity. 

The clouds hung low, dark and threatening. But, a light burned bright. Right in the middle of the beach.  

Families side-by-side with different hues of skin. Enjoying the handiwork of our Creator God who makes all things new.

Prayer changes things.

And some things need changing.

We tend to congregate with the brothers and sisters who look like us. Worship like us. Do church like us.

But living like this, we've been separated from the greater community of the church. 

We are broken, fragmented. 

We need to realize our unity in Christ.

All of us who call ourselves Christians have been united together in Christ. By His sacrifice on the cross, the great divide has been filled in. 

Whatever keeps us apart. Be it by language, ethnicity, nationality, gender, race. 

We are all one in Christ Jesus.

As we cling to Him, we can connect to each other.

And love our neighbors.

In these tumultuous days, may we turn our eyes to Him who makes all things new and experience heartfelt repentance and real revival in the church.

For in unity, His light shines brightest for all to see the salvation of God in Christ Jesus.

"As it is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet,

"The voice of one crying in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.'" 

Luke 3:4-6 

"This Little Light of Mine" Charleston, S.C.

8 Ways My Son With Autism Helped Me Grow

Miracles happen every day when we least expect them. And this summer has been no exception.

Out on the soccer field, my boy kicked around the ball with his friends, as they all tried to follow the coach’s directions...cllick on this link to read more...

When it Seems Like You'll Forever Be Holding the Hand of Your Struggling Learner

Mustering up all the excitement I could, I tapped my little guy on the shoulder. "Ready for swim lessons?" 

As he lounged on my bed, he crossed his arms over his legs and scowled. "I don't wanna go." No surprise here. It was his typical response for trying something new.

"Well, I already paid for it, so you're going." And that was my typical response.

He's smart enough to know there was no point arguing. Mama's got her plans, so he better go along with it or he might pay the price in loss of video game time. 

Thankfully, his swim instructor was super patient and he eventually had a blast and became a stronger swimmer.

Soccer was harder. Even though all the other kids had gathered around the coach, he refused to go out on the field. I hadn't planned on this.

Holding his hand, I padded out on the field and as soon as he was distracted, I backed away and hurried to the bleachers. He was fine after that and ended up loving it.

Then it was time for the club meeting. I was prepared for a similar scenario. But, the dynamics of the room proved to cause sensory overload for him. 

He clung to me like a bear cub on a pine tree. This mama bear wanted him to participate, but I had to let it go. Our kids' hearts are more important than how well they perform. 

All oaks from acorns grow, right? This little acorn, he has autism. Will he still grow up into an oak, able to stand on his own? Cause I know he can't hold my hand forever. 

How do us parents with struggling learners move from frustration and disappointment to hope?

We need to keep the bigger picture in mind.

Success in the Kingdom of the Son doesn't lie in college diplomas, a six figure job and grand accolades. It's being like Jesus.

Not only did Jesus level with us all by becoming a man, He lowered himself even further, by becoming a servant and washing his disciples' mud-encrusted feet.

If we want our kids to be like Jesus, we need to be like Him first and let go of our plans and our pride.

We must be willing to stoop down low and hold our children's hands until they can stand on their own. But also taking a step further and showing them the nail-scarred hand of the one who will never let them go.

It's making disciples of the least of these.

So they can bring His light into a dark world.

My boy loves John Bunyan's allegory The Pilgrim's Progress. 

Christian, the main character in the story embarks on a journey to somehow remove the heavy burden on his back (his sin). 

Along the way, he comes face-to-face with Jesus on the cross and the burden comes rolling off never to be seen again. 

But, that's not the end of the story. 

He is given a new coat of armor to protect himself (the armor of God) and a little scroll to help him along the way (the Bible). 

The journey takes many twists and turns and Christian has to fight, endure and press on. Until he reaches that Celestial City where his earthly journey ends and his heavenly one begins.

Our kids need Jesus. For salvation, protection and life instructions.

Let's not just focus on self-sufficiency, but God-sufficiency. May our children not only walk the stage to get a diploma, but walk the path to the cross, where every self-centered dream must die in order for dreams eternal to live.

In whatever weaknesses our children have, God is strong. And, He is more glorified in those who need Him most.

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:1-4

Embracing Autism: A Poem

Stuck

Inside

Hidden away

Unable to connect.

Expression hindered

and self oppressed.

Arms flapping wildly

To sense the body.

Faulty wiring

Gone awry.

Trapped in a maze

Of twisted vines

No beginning 

And no end.

Sticky cobwebs

Never swept away.

Unused branches

Never pruned.

Muted senses

Out-of-sync.

The mTOR protein

Blocked the process

Of new connections

And old removed.

This tangled mess—

Axons misfired

Dendrites misplaced

Encompassing the soul

Cocooned within.

Once upon a time,

On the right track

Cooing, babbling

Speaking child

Set off course.

An injury

Of some sort.

From without

Triggered within.

The immune system

Engaged war

With the one

It was sworn

To protect.

Allergies

And sensitivities

Magnified

The hurt.

White matter

And grey

Forced to survive

The wrong way.

The result: autism.

But for this child

Given to me

A bright highlight 

Following grief

My baby.

Cuddled

Read to

Cradled

 In the mirror

How can I free you?

When I am trapped?

Love is the key

To open the way

In my own soul

cocooned.

To embrace

A new dream

And let

 The old one go.

When Plans Fail: {Treasures of the Heart}

Who doesn't like a nice  steaming cup of green tea, the perfect way to de-stress and relax on a trying day?

Yeah that was what I was thinking at the time, when I put the kettle on. 

It was a particularly trying day. One of those days where my body is on autopilot. Knowing where things should be and collecting them to make a hot cup of tea for Bright Girl and me, English style. With a spot of milk. And, a drizzle of honey.

The teacup was hot in my hands, so I blew a little to cool it. When I took a sip, something wasn't right. It tasted strange. I placed my cup on the table to cool some more and went into the kitchen.

Have you ever noticed how a carton of half & half is the same size and shape as a carton of egg whites?

When I went to put away the milk and honey, lo and behold, it was not milk, but eggs that I'd grabbed from the refrigerator and poured into my tea.

"Don't drink the tea," I bellowed from the kitchen.

"Why not?" Bright Girl held her teacup near her lips, about to sip.

I held up the egg whites. "I thought this was milk."

"Aw, mom."

My sentiments exactly. I was looking forward to my cup of tea.

You know the old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? 

So, it didn't kill me to drink a few teaspoons of raw egg. If anything, a little protein might have been good for me. But, it was not what I was expecting.

A ruined cup of tea is a little disappointment in the mighty sea of life's unexpected outcomes to be sure.

But, something even more unexpected then eggy tea happened. 

I laughed.

My daughter lifted an eyebrow, trying to remain seriously disappointed herself, but couldn't help but break out into a grin.

That was so unlike me. 

When things don't go right, I tend to quietly fume or spend the rest of the day spiraling into mournful preoccupation with all the imperfections of living.

But, joy?

Why joy?

Because I was looking forward to the memories.

This would one day be a funny story in the collection of this mama's many cooking blunders.

We can have joy when we know something good will come out of the bad.

But, we have to be willing to let go of our expectations. 

Sometimes, we have to let our dreams die so new ones can live.

die vb. 1. decease, perish, expire, go, pass away 2. decrease, diminish, fade, sink, decline, wither, wane, fail ant. flourish, grow.

All disappointments are little deaths. Even when our dreams come true, it's never quite how we imagined.

But, there is hope.

If we believe the Lord can create life out of the darkness of our little deaths, then we can have joy.

It is hope that gives joy in all circumstances. Maybe not right away, but it will come. As a gift. From the Giver of all things good and right and true.

All the bad, wrong, messed things in life will one day be made right.

And it will be glorious.

Our precious memories of living out the love and light of Christ are treasures. We can hold on to them in hope, so when the darkness comes, nothing can put out their flame.

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  (Luke 2:19)

{Perspective}:How to Know God is Real

It was time to let my little boy, with the cowlick in the back that refuses to stand down, know the good news. 

He was watching Phineas and Ferb on Netflix with his siblings. 

"Guess what?" I said loud it enough to rise above the volume of Phineas trying to make plans about what to do today... 

No response.

"Hey. Little Man? I've got something to tell you." Slightly louder.

He glanced at me. "What?" Then turned back to the computer screen.

It seemed like he was still listening, but it's hard to tell sometimes with autism. 

"I am going to be your teacher tomorrow." I paused. "In your third grade Sunday School class." No feedback. "How do you like that?"

He continued to stare at the cartoon. "Oh. Good," he said without flinching.

Helping teach a classroom full of rowdy, rambunctious nine-year-olds, was not really my idea of a day of rest, but I was surprised to find that I was blessed in doing so.

Toward the end of class, one of the questions the lead teacher asked struck me. 

"How do you know God is real?"

That's not just a question for kids. And, it's hard to answer.

For the first time that morning, the class went silent.

Then one bright girl spoke up. "In God's Word."

And, it got me thinking.

How do we know God is real?

Yes, in His Word, the Holy Bible, the best-selling book in all of time, preserved through millenia, translated into nearly every language in existence.

But, how do we know God is real from the Bible?

Well, that is where faith comes in...

So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17

But, how does one go about getting faith?

Can you try really hard to conjure up feelings of belief?

No. Although feelings are associated with it, faith in itself is not a feeling (Ephesians 2:8,9).

Can you study really hard and know everything about theology?

No. Unless you experience a spiritual rebirth, you cannot see the kingdom of God (John 3:3)

Can you do every religious practice "religiously" to be considered a righteous person?

No. Every thing we try to do to be right with God is still done without Him and brings us no closer to knowing Him.

God must reach out to us.

Because faith is a gift from above (Ephesians 2:8,9).

And, here is the real good news...

God reached down from on high, broke through the womb of a lowly virgin, grew in wisdom and stature in grace and in truth. 
He allowed Himself to be broken, poured out and killed on a cross as a sacrifice for our sins. 
And, He was raised back to life and now is in heaven until the appointed time of His return.

It takes a miraculous faith to believe in salvation through Christ Jesus.

And also, for us to acknowledge that Christ is not only our Savior, but our Lord, Whom all our feelings, thoughts, plans, words, and actions bow down to.

"That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." (Romans 10:9,10)

When we believe He reached down to us, and we daily acknowledge Him as Savior and Lord, we know He is real.  And, we will see Him in our lives.

Five Ways to See God:

In our feelings: when we worship the Lord through song, with lifted hands, bowed down, or clapping in exaltation, we allow our hearts to adore Him. And, we will fall in love with Him.

In our thoughts: when we pray and meditate on God's Word, His Works, and His Providence, our minds are renewed. We become God-focused. And, we will think like Him.

In our plans:  when we make a point to look to the Lord first in all things, our lives are set in tune with His will for us. We will trust Him to work all things out for our good (Matthew 6:33, Romans 8:28).

In our words: when our feelings, thoughts and plans are saturated with the Lord, our words will be full of love, thankfulness, and praise. We will confess His faithfulness to the world.

In our actions: when we depend on the Lord's strength to do the things that are hard, but good, we will be able to accomplish the impossible. We will take courage in Him.

We can only see God because He first reached out to us and gave us His grace. 

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matthew 5:8)