FROM SUMMER TO AUTUMN
A new obstetrician, Dr. F, received our MRI results to give us a second opinion. At the appointment, he performed his own ultrasound. Billy stood by, arms folded around his middle, bracing himself for the news.
The doctor sighed and held my arm. “This really sucks, but the prognosis is grave." He pointed at the ultrasound screen. "There are clearly no kidneys here. Also, the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck. Your amniotic fluid is completely depleted, and the lungs have not been developing. Most likely, your baby will be stillborn or live one or two hours at most.”
I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears to no avail. Sobs burst from within, shaking my whole body.
Desperate to hold our baby, I faced the doctor. “Is there some way to have my baby now? Before it dies?”
“Forcing a delivery could only be done by abortion. Do you really want to do that?”
“No.” Abortion was not an option for me.
THE CHOICE OF GRACE
When I was a teenager, my mother told me that when she thought she was pregnant with me, she had been told by her friends to go to an abortion clinic to at least get a free pregnancy test.
She was young and divorced with a four-year-old son at the time. She hoped that maybe, the clinic would offer some help.
While waiting to meet with the doctor, the thought occurred to her that the baby might be a girl, and she always wanted to have a girl. So she left the clinic. That day, my life was spared.
Mom holding me
I could not take this baby’s life, even if it was to be a very short one. I realized that I had to carry our baby for as long as the Lord had planned.
I had to trust He would be right by my side every step of the way.
COVERED IN PRAYER
In our small group at church, we broke the news that unless God intervened, our child would not survive. Our friends cried out to the Lord for us in prayer. I also shared with my women’s Bible study group, and they all placed their hands on my belly and prayed.
What a comfort to know people cared about me, and were seeking God on behalf of my unborn child. Through email, I asked all the Christians I knew to pray for the baby. I even e-mailed the pastors I knew in Ukraine, so people were praying for us globally. A wave of peace washed over me, as I felt covered in prayer.
A miracle was possible. God could heal our child.
When April was a baby, a young woman in our church named Heather, developed liver cancer. She had several rounds of chemotherapy, but her body couldn’t take any more. Her doctor said the cancer was terminal by then, and nothing else could be done.
Our church held a prayer meeting at a friend’s house for Heather. Billy prayed with everyone in the living room. I stayed in the kitchen with April and fed her Cheerios in a highchair, adding my own desperate prayers for Heather.
At Heather’s next doctor appointment, more tests were done.
The cancer had completely vanished.
It was amazing to witness this miracle firsthand. It confirmed to me that God still does the impossible and our prayers matter.
Researching on the Internet, we found websites that helped us understand our baby’s condition. Bilateral renal agenesis is also termed Potter’s Sequence (a video is found here). I was able to read stories of other women who had babies with Potter’s Syndrome and how they coped with the diagnosis.
I discovered thst babies form kidneys in the first month after conception. On the mission trip to Ukraine, I was already three months pregnant, so that ruled out the baby somehow acquiring Potter’s Sequence there. There was no known cause for bilateral renal agenesis and no treatment. Nothing could be done.
Billy and I kept hoping and praying that the Lord would completely heal our baby. But, with each ultrasound check-up, the doctor couldn’t find any kidneys, my hope for this miracle waned.
I had entered an autumnal season in my life and this marked by anticipatory grief. I didn't want to be on this journey. I didn't choose it. But apart from a miracle, nothing could change the fact that death awaited us just over the horizon.
I had entered an autumnal season in my life and this marked by anticipatory grief. I didn't want to be on this journey. I didn't choose it. But apart from a miracle, nothing could change the fact that death awaited us just over the horizon.
“Yet you, Lord, are our Father.We are the clay, you are the Potter; we are all the work of your hand.”(Isaiah 64:8)
For Part 1, click here.
Next post, Part 5.
No comments:
Post a Comment